Today marks the 18th surgery my little brother has had in his life on his legs. he got to the hospital at 11:00 AM and is still in there. Surgery was suppose to start at 1 PM but just started and it is 3:05 PM I think they are running a little late. i worry every second. What else can I do?
On another note, I went through a lot when Matt and I first got together and today with the things going on with my brother and thinking about differnt things that have happned with us I just can't help but cry. I wish I could control it and I can't. i wwent through a period where I was severly depressed and I felt so alone even though I know Matt was there got me. It is a hard thing to go through and I feel like I am getting back down in the dumps like before. I do not want to be that person.
I find myself wondering if Matt is really happy with me or if he stays with me because he feels bad for me because we have been through so much. I just don't know what to do. I don't think he would stay with me for those reasons because I know the kind of person he is. But I can't help but wonder because it does seem like so much has gone on that I don't understand why he is still with me!
I have never had anyone love me the way he does and be there for me the way he is. It's insane to think that someone could go through so much with you and they stick aorund no matter what the situation is and it isn't unitl later that you realize that they are there for you and would do anything for you!
I get so irriatated so easy and I just wonder why and how Matt puts up with me. I really think that a lot of times he just ignores it and tries to over look things. I just don't know. I have had so much on my mind today I have wore myself out just thinking about things.
I know that I have a bright future ahead of me and Iknow that Matt will be in it I just ned to stop doubting everything!
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