So..... My boyfriend goes out of town a lot for work and racing with his dad. He loves it. Me....not so much. I love that he enjoys himself but I do not like to be at home alone. Don't know why but it makes me paranoid and freaked out! So last night I went over to my friend Haley Deadwylers house and was just hanging out with her. Prior to this my friend Ashlee blew me off like always and my friend Holly had some important things to deal with since her brother just passed away.
We were talking about dinner and she asked if I wanted to go eat and then we got to talking about her coming to my house and staying with me. So then we talked to Ethan and he said he didn't mind if she came and stayed with me. I just thought how great it was that even though it was last minute she still came and stayed with me and was the most supportive person ever. And on top of all that she paid for my dinner!
It was expensive, I felt so bad for her doing that! I just know that I have the greatest friend ever in Haley and I hope it stays that way forever because good friends are very hard to find now days! Plus it's not that often I find a girl that I get along with either. lol
Matthew comes home from Kennesaw today....actually he is on his way back right now as I am typing! I can't wait for him to come back. I miss him so much when he is gone even if it is just for a day! That's how I know I am just so in love with him! He is so amazing! I could never ask for anyone or anything better! So happy with my life right now. except the job thing but life with Matt couldn't be any better! Love him tons!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
An emotional day....
Today marks the 18th surgery my little brother has had in his life on his legs. he got to the hospital at 11:00 AM and is still in there. Surgery was suppose to start at 1 PM but just started and it is 3:05 PM I think they are running a little late. i worry every second. What else can I do?
On another note, I went through a lot when Matt and I first got together and today with the things going on with my brother and thinking about differnt things that have happned with us I just can't help but cry. I wish I could control it and I can't. i wwent through a period where I was severly depressed and I felt so alone even though I know Matt was there got me. It is a hard thing to go through and I feel like I am getting back down in the dumps like before. I do not want to be that person.
I find myself wondering if Matt is really happy with me or if he stays with me because he feels bad for me because we have been through so much. I just don't know what to do. I don't think he would stay with me for those reasons because I know the kind of person he is. But I can't help but wonder because it does seem like so much has gone on that I don't understand why he is still with me!
I have never had anyone love me the way he does and be there for me the way he is. It's insane to think that someone could go through so much with you and they stick aorund no matter what the situation is and it isn't unitl later that you realize that they are there for you and would do anything for you!
I get so irriatated so easy and I just wonder why and how Matt puts up with me. I really think that a lot of times he just ignores it and tries to over look things. I just don't know. I have had so much on my mind today I have wore myself out just thinking about things.
I know that I have a bright future ahead of me and Iknow that Matt will be in it I just ned to stop doubting everything!
On another note, I went through a lot when Matt and I first got together and today with the things going on with my brother and thinking about differnt things that have happned with us I just can't help but cry. I wish I could control it and I can't. i wwent through a period where I was severly depressed and I felt so alone even though I know Matt was there got me. It is a hard thing to go through and I feel like I am getting back down in the dumps like before. I do not want to be that person.
I find myself wondering if Matt is really happy with me or if he stays with me because he feels bad for me because we have been through so much. I just don't know what to do. I don't think he would stay with me for those reasons because I know the kind of person he is. But I can't help but wonder because it does seem like so much has gone on that I don't understand why he is still with me!
I have never had anyone love me the way he does and be there for me the way he is. It's insane to think that someone could go through so much with you and they stick aorund no matter what the situation is and it isn't unitl later that you realize that they are there for you and would do anything for you!
I get so irriatated so easy and I just wonder why and how Matt puts up with me. I really think that a lot of times he just ignores it and tries to over look things. I just don't know. I have had so much on my mind today I have wore myself out just thinking about things.
I know that I have a bright future ahead of me and Iknow that Matt will be in it I just ned to stop doubting everything!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
A Day to Remember
Today is such sad day to remember. The twin towers and the pentagon were hit 10 years ago today. It seems like just yesterday this tragedy struck America. Today you will see tons of pictures and videos and some have even made movies about this day. Keep everyone in your prayers.
But today is also my brother Codys birthday. Though it is a sad day we try not to think about all the bad things that now come with this day while celebrating his birthday.
Not a lot to say today, their is so much going on in the world. Looking forward to the coming week.
But today is also my brother Codys birthday. Though it is a sad day we try not to think about all the bad things that now come with this day while celebrating his birthday.
Not a lot to say today, their is so much going on in the world. Looking forward to the coming week.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
A point of not knowing....again!
A lot has gone on the last few weeks and I am to the point where I just do not know where to turn once again. For a while things were going great and life was what I wanted it to be. But we all know that it does not stay that way forever. Their are curve balls that you have to learn how to hit and knock out of the park. Though it sounds easy it really is not.
For Matt and I we have had hard times it seems since we first started dating. That may not be true but that surely is how it seems. We can never catch a break it seems as though things are not suppose to work in our favor. But no matter what we go through we support one another and we help each other through every situation.
I recently, well three months ago got a new job at the apartment complex where we live and i love it. Unit the other day I was making just enough to pay my rent and help with one extra bill, which I know does not sound like a lot but for me it is because I have never really been able to help like I have wanted to. A few days ago ,y boss called me in and said that theymade some schedule changes and that my hours had been cut in half where I only work 2 days a week. I didn't know what to do. How do I tell Matt I can no longer afford to pay rent by myself? I just didn't know how I was going to do it. Ifonally got brave and told him what happened. He was very understand yet angry at the same time and just told me that everything will work out and he just knows that it will. So it made me feel a little better.
The entire day I was so worried not knowing what to do. I think that we will be okay, yes, but what about other things? I was thinking about food and other bills as well. We seems to get behind and not know how we get that way. I just can't get behind again. we have big plans for next year and if anythin gets behind we are going to be some big trouble and have serious issues.
Though I know that we will be fine, we always are, it still worries me to think that now I can't do everything that I wanted to and needed to do to help Matt. Try to keep a positive outlook on everything is what everyone tells me to do but is it really that easy?
For Matt and I we have had hard times it seems since we first started dating. That may not be true but that surely is how it seems. We can never catch a break it seems as though things are not suppose to work in our favor. But no matter what we go through we support one another and we help each other through every situation.
I recently, well three months ago got a new job at the apartment complex where we live and i love it. Unit the other day I was making just enough to pay my rent and help with one extra bill, which I know does not sound like a lot but for me it is because I have never really been able to help like I have wanted to. A few days ago ,y boss called me in and said that theymade some schedule changes and that my hours had been cut in half where I only work 2 days a week. I didn't know what to do. How do I tell Matt I can no longer afford to pay rent by myself? I just didn't know how I was going to do it. Ifonally got brave and told him what happened. He was very understand yet angry at the same time and just told me that everything will work out and he just knows that it will. So it made me feel a little better.
The entire day I was so worried not knowing what to do. I think that we will be okay, yes, but what about other things? I was thinking about food and other bills as well. We seems to get behind and not know how we get that way. I just can't get behind again. we have big plans for next year and if anythin gets behind we are going to be some big trouble and have serious issues.
Though I know that we will be fine, we always are, it still worries me to think that now I can't do everything that I wanted to and needed to do to help Matt. Try to keep a positive outlook on everything is what everyone tells me to do but is it really that easy?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Well it's Monday :)
Well, today is Monday. Just like any other Monday. I do have to say that I had a pretty good weekend. I worked the whole time but it was nice to see Matthew when I got home. we are both workaholics. It's all we do. But we can on;y benefit from it. A lot has been going on with school and stuff lately. I have finals coming up in two weeks but practice until then. It's just one of those things though I guess. I think that I only have one more time to apply for financial aid and I just cannot wait for that time to come.
It has been such a long journey for me going through school and working two jobs and not ever having time to do anything. It stresses me out a lot but I try to think that I will be done before I know it and that every moment counts, and that I should enjoy school time while I can.
My relationship with Matthew right now is great. We are more open with one another and try to be as calm with one another as we can when we are frustrated. But we are always there for each other and her never lets me down and always knows what to do to make me happy.He is simply amazing!
<3 him :)
It has been such a long journey for me going through school and working two jobs and not ever having time to do anything. It stresses me out a lot but I try to think that I will be done before I know it and that every moment counts, and that I should enjoy school time while I can.
My relationship with Matthew right now is great. We are more open with one another and try to be as calm with one another as we can when we are frustrated. But we are always there for each other and her never lets me down and always knows what to do to make me happy.He is simply amazing!
<3 him :)
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Typical Day.....
Today I woke up way too late. Only had an hour to get ready and eat. That never works out for me. I need to be up at 8 if I hvae to be in at 10. Now I am sititng at work making my first blog and I have to say that I love it. Still trying to figure out how everything works on here though.
Lat night Matt and I went to see the Rise of The Apes. It was such a good movie especially since before the movie we went to Mellow Mushroom and had to wait 35 minutes for a table because the hostess kept seating people that came in after us. But that is nothing to be mad over. I just sat down and drank my coke and ate my food.
I have had one thing on my mund lately or the last few days at least and that would be on of my friends Laura and her sweet family. They are having a hard time, their sweet baby girl Piper was diagnosed with infant lukeimia and beat it. Or so they thought. They just found out a few days ago that she relapsed. So it's back and forth to the hospital they go trying to carry on with life as normal as they can. I will not take them out of my prayers as I have many others as well. They need all the prayers and positive feedback they can get from everyone right now. Laura made a video of Piper and it's just so cute and you cannot help but watch it and think, WOW she is sick. She looks so happy. But also for a while she was okay and was in the clear. Their is a reason why everything happens in life, but I cannot seem to wrap my head around the fact that this is a baby, she hasn't even had a chance to live and experience life yet. I kow that god has a plan for everyone in life but this I just do not understand. I just know I am praying double time this family right now.
As I finish my day today this sweet baby will still be on my mind. I just can't help thinking about it. And I have even cried a few times. I wish that this could be made clear and the question why could be answered. But the truth is we will never know why and that is just something we have to accpet even though it is hard.
Lat night Matt and I went to see the Rise of The Apes. It was such a good movie especially since before the movie we went to Mellow Mushroom and had to wait 35 minutes for a table because the hostess kept seating people that came in after us. But that is nothing to be mad over. I just sat down and drank my coke and ate my food.
I have had one thing on my mund lately or the last few days at least and that would be on of my friends Laura and her sweet family. They are having a hard time, their sweet baby girl Piper was diagnosed with infant lukeimia and beat it. Or so they thought. They just found out a few days ago that she relapsed. So it's back and forth to the hospital they go trying to carry on with life as normal as they can. I will not take them out of my prayers as I have many others as well. They need all the prayers and positive feedback they can get from everyone right now. Laura made a video of Piper and it's just so cute and you cannot help but watch it and think, WOW she is sick. She looks so happy. But also for a while she was okay and was in the clear. Their is a reason why everything happens in life, but I cannot seem to wrap my head around the fact that this is a baby, she hasn't even had a chance to live and experience life yet. I kow that god has a plan for everyone in life but this I just do not understand. I just know I am praying double time this family right now.
As I finish my day today this sweet baby will still be on my mind. I just can't help thinking about it. And I have even cried a few times. I wish that this could be made clear and the question why could be answered. But the truth is we will never know why and that is just something we have to accpet even though it is hard.
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